Breathe in Breath Out

I am getting a tattoo this weekend, and as much as I HATE to say it (because I know if my parents read this they are going to jump all over it and use it to their own advantage) I am getting nervous. This is easily the most permanent decision I have made up to this point in my life, that wasn't a no brainer (continuing my education, continuing certain relationships, sticking to my morals and/ or principals.) I am going to have something permanently ingrained in my SKIN! I've wanted this for a long time and now that it is finally coming all the weird little questioning midgets hanging out in my head are deciding to voice their opinion. I was talking to one of my best friends about it and he said something along the lines of me being worried about it being approved of, or if people thought it was any good. To be honest I think he was right, as much as I believe that this is MY tattoo and no one else's business, I would worry if I had people constantly telling me it looked like a piece of shit. I think this worry can be taken care of by the fact that I put a lot of research into this artist and I am confident in her capabilities to create a unique and wonderful piece of art (some of her previous work is displayed here.)

So what continues this sweaty palm reaction in myself even as I type about this momentous event this weekend? Some might suggest the pain factor in getting a tattoo, and though there is no doubt in my mind that this is going to be a "day of" worry, it is not so much right now. I have been through some very physically painful experiences in my life and if this is the worse one I am in pretty good shape. All-in-all a couple of hours of pain for a life long piece of art is a pretty good trade off.

So here is what I have come up with: I am worried about my future. This is the stereotypical worry and doubt when it comes to getting tattoos and as special as I think I am I have been unable to escape this particular situation. I am worried about what the future me is going to think about this position, about what future husband, or children, or bosses are going to think. I am worried that when I am old and wrinkly and liver spotted that I will look back on this and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I guess the only consolation for myself that I can offer would be that this can be a beautiful reminder of my youth, or my changing ways and of the things that I love now. I will always love music, I can say this without doubt or worry or anything else. So I guess the real question would be whether or not I am always going to love tattoos, and this is not an answer I can provide with any kind of certainty.

To those that might be reading that will be accompanying me this weekend, I ask only for support. I know you may not like this decision, I know you many not approve, but I would ask that you wouldn't take advantage of my worry to further your own hopes for a clean epidermal canvas. If you really can't do that just be neutral, get me through the day, stave off the jokes, or the personal opinions until I am all tattooed up. Thank you for your love, in any and all decisions that I make.

~The Singing Ginger