Resolution Average

So, as promised about 30seconds ago, I am going to go over what I was able to accomplish last year in hopes I can do better next year!

-Get to healthy weight
*Not there yet, but 15lbs lighter than when I wrote this the first time!

-Learn patience and self reliance
*self reliance, hell yes. Patience, no way in hell.

-Kiss someone who means something to me/ don't kiss anyone who doesn't mean anything to me
*I have kissed someone who has meant something to me this year (though not really under the right state of mind) but unfortunatly I have also locked lips with a few who are special, and mean something but not in the way they should to be kissing them.

-Be more truthful
*Think I did better with this one, but there is still room for improvement.

-Find something to love about myself everyday
*I love myself, I probably don't need to be in a therapy-like exercise of reassuring myself every single day in order to know this.

-Get down to a 2:09 6k split time
*2:06:05 biatches :)

-Make art
*Nope, haven't really done this, sad face

-Sing more
*pretty much the same, which makes me sad, but more and more chances coming up

-Take a chance and do something totally random
*His name is Ski and he pretty much assures that this is taken care of every day

-Stop swearing as much
*I think I did pretty good on this one, but I also think this is me growing out of something I felt the need to do when I was a year younger.

-Keep grades up
*Eh, bad, MUST do better!!


Okay, so the grand total (including half for the patience/ self reliance and half for truth) would be 5 out of 11...wow. I mean I guess that isn't horrible, but it isn't great. Will have to do better for next year. So, I know its early to be doing this, but consider this a Happy Winter Holiday whateverness, and a wonderful New Year as well!

~The Singing Ginger

Ole Lang Sine

So it's that time of year again folks! New Year's resolution time; the time of year when I promise myself to rededicate and refocus my energy toward achieving my goals. I could start in on how this never works and I always loose my dedication and focus about two weeks in, but I am going to opt to stay positive about it, since being pessimistic would be the easy way out. And since it is a million times easier to fail when you are expecting yourself to do so, I am going to try and stay positive. So here it is, this year's resolutions!

Claire's New Year's Resolutions:

-Get myself back into shape for nationals...like WAY IN SHAPE
-Work on being semi-female like
*****I am kind of a tomboy and though I love being like that, on the occasion I would like to know how to be a girl.
-Find more places to perform and sing
*****This does not include impromptu concerts for my family, which, though fun, are not all that challenging.
-Use Betty (my guitar) more often and get at least 6 more memorized guitar parts under my belt.
-Apply to Peace Corps, Graduate School, and Foreign Service
-Learn to be okay with just myself
*****Without getting too dramatic or wishy washy, after being single for two years plus, I need to learn to be okay with being that way and not be taking up too much of my time worrying about when Mr. Right is going to come along. Don't get me wrong, I am still looking, but there is more to life than finding someone to spend it with.
-Achieve at least an overall 3.5 for next semester's grade point
-Get into the Phoenix or David Bowie Co-Op.
-Achieve 1 of 3 options:
*****Get into the CLS program and study in Turkey
*****Get a summer internship
*****Work and then take an epic road trip before going back to school
-Start writing a book
*****Or at least get a good idea for one

And that's pretty much it. My next post is going to PROBABLY be around which of last year's resolutions I actually stuck to. Actually, why wait? Going to post this under a new title and let you know how I did last year.
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Breathe in Breath Out

I am getting a tattoo this weekend, and as much as I HATE to say it (because I know if my parents read this they are going to jump all over it and use it to their own advantage) I am getting nervous. This is easily the most permanent decision I have made up to this point in my life, that wasn't a no brainer (continuing my education, continuing certain relationships, sticking to my morals and/ or principals.) I am going to have something permanently ingrained in my SKIN! I've wanted this for a long time and now that it is finally coming all the weird little questioning midgets hanging out in my head are deciding to voice their opinion. I was talking to one of my best friends about it and he said something along the lines of me being worried about it being approved of, or if people thought it was any good. To be honest I think he was right, as much as I believe that this is MY tattoo and no one else's business, I would worry if I had people constantly telling me it looked like a piece of shit. I think this worry can be taken care of by the fact that I put a lot of research into this artist and I am confident in her capabilities to create a unique and wonderful piece of art (some of her previous work is displayed here.)

So what continues this sweaty palm reaction in myself even as I type about this momentous event this weekend? Some might suggest the pain factor in getting a tattoo, and though there is no doubt in my mind that this is going to be a "day of" worry, it is not so much right now. I have been through some very physically painful experiences in my life and if this is the worse one I am in pretty good shape. All-in-all a couple of hours of pain for a life long piece of art is a pretty good trade off.

So here is what I have come up with: I am worried about my future. This is the stereotypical worry and doubt when it comes to getting tattoos and as special as I think I am I have been unable to escape this particular situation. I am worried about what the future me is going to think about this position, about what future husband, or children, or bosses are going to think. I am worried that when I am old and wrinkly and liver spotted that I will look back on this and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I guess the only consolation for myself that I can offer would be that this can be a beautiful reminder of my youth, or my changing ways and of the things that I love now. I will always love music, I can say this without doubt or worry or anything else. So I guess the real question would be whether or not I am always going to love tattoos, and this is not an answer I can provide with any kind of certainty.

To those that might be reading that will be accompanying me this weekend, I ask only for support. I know you may not like this decision, I know you many not approve, but I would ask that you wouldn't take advantage of my worry to further your own hopes for a clean epidermal canvas. If you really can't do that just be neutral, get me through the day, stave off the jokes, or the personal opinions until I am all tattooed up. Thank you for your love, in any and all decisions that I make.

~The Singing Ginger

Rant Continued: Babies

As promised I have come back with a vengeance to continue my rant, starting, as all good rants do, with babies.

Let me lay down the guidelines for this one, when I am ranting about babies I am not talking about accidental pregnancies. I am a liberal pro-lifer and I think that if a woman decides to keep her child, at any age, under any circumstance, that it is a courageous decision that should be applauded and supported. That being said, to all you 20 yr olds out there who made a conscious decision to have a child, and become parents...for lack of a better term...WTF? You are barely out of your own childhood years and you think you can handle the constant care and attention that is required to properly raise a child?!? Go to school! Get drunk at football games! Have children LATER. There is not a reason on earth that you should feel the need to have a kid right now. If you really think you do, offer to do a long term baby sitting job for a family member or friend. When I say "long term" I mean a week or more (and lets be honest, even that isn't really enough time.)

Babies are crying, pooping, whining, time/ life sucks that are going to keep you up at all hours of the morning. Babies then turn into toddlers who will be running around with sharp objects, pulling things off of shelves, putting things in their mouths, and learning to potty train all over the house. Toddlers turn into preteens who suck more money and need braces, and doctor visits, and join sports teams. Then they turn into teenagers who will take out every drop of pent up anger they have out on you for being their parent. And after all is said and done you probably will have raised yet another 20 year old who decides, because they barely scraped by without permanent damage (and this really can't be accessed until they get a shrink in their 40s), that they too should have a kid at 20.

I want children, I want to be a mother, I want to have babies and do all the things listed above. I think children are wonderful and life changing and can be the best part of someone's life. In the same breath I don't want one now, hell I don't want one for at least the next 6 years or so. I love my life of staying up late, not to breast feed, but to cook and watch Conan O'Brien and The Office with my friends. I like having the time to read, or work out, or do absolutely nothing if I so choose. Hell I can't keep my apartment clean, how the hell am I going to raise a kid?

Its great that you have the physical capacity to have a child, that you can support them and that you have the want to have one. That isn't going to be enough to make you a good parent. That isn't going to be enough to make sure your child gets the best out of life and their up bringing. Wait, just give it some time, you aren't going anywhere and assuming something horrible doesn't happen your ovaries/ penis is going to continue to be able to have children for a long time coming.

So yeah...

~The Singing Ginger

Rant

Rant for the evening: girls and guys my age (20) should not be having babies. You shouldn't be getting married, you shouldn't be buying a house or moving in together or signing pre-nups. People my age should stop pretending like they want to be adults by doing childish things.

But wait, you may be saying to yourself "claire, I thought you were a desperate romantic who thinks that love will triumph over all?!?" I am, without apology, but marriage and love have damn near next to nothing to do with each other. That's right, I said it. The chick that has day dreams about the long white dress in a church with her friends and family, and can't wait till someone uses the word wife when referring to her as their life partner, just said love and marriage have almost nothing to do with each other. They don't. People who don't love each other get married all the time, and there are plenty of people out there that love each other that aren't married (or even allowed to get married.) Marriage is an outward symbol to your faith, community, government and family that you will be sticking together forever, but it comes from love that is already suppossed to exist, it doesn't create it.

That being said, one of the reasons marriage is so under valued these days is because people get divorced so damn often. I don't think it is because society is going to hell, and that our generation is copulating everywhere all over everything, it is because our society has crafted a mind set where we HAVE to get married. Marriage is beautiful and wonderful and sacred, and people should get married...if they want to, and when they know that the person they love is going to be the one they want to wake up next to for the next forever. If you really love someone, and are going to spend the rest of your life with them, why not wait? You are going to be with them forever anyways! If you don't believe that, if you think a marriage will make your relationship stronger, you shouldn't be getting married. Your relationship should be as strong as you think that it could possibly be before you get hitched. It might get stronger after anyways, but you shouldn't expect that.

I am going to rant about babies later, I have to go do something productive now.

~The Singing Ginger

Niceness

So after all of the hellish medical issues I have been having lately it would seem that things have finally began to calm themselves down a little bit. I feel bad because I have skipped the last few practices which is not something I ever do, but my body and my school work load are demanding it as this point and I have been trying to do 90min steady states when I can, but there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day. Eh, well, life goes on.

Speaking of medical issues, I think things have been cleared up. I am on medication for the next ten days, which I am never a fan of, but I will suck it up and deal so that I can spend as little time with the nice people in white coats as possible. I have noticed that when I am stressed out over these things singing is always a nice was to release. I have been singing A LOT in the shower lately. On a side note (and because this blog is titled for musical things) I am going to be singing for a group at the senior center and a special group in hospice care next month. I am looking forward to this because I love old people, and because I love singing and preforming. Part of the e-mail I was sent was also looking for people to impersonate Billie Holiday for a special performance for a woman that has Alzheimers and if a huge fan. Because of her condition she refuses to believe that Holiday is no longer with us, and her care taker wants her to be able to see a performance "live" before she goes. I found both immense happiness and sadness in this story. I don't know what you think.

Went out to dinner with David yesterday night, I really had a wonderful time and it was good catching up with someone I am fond of and haven't spoken to in a while. I find David interesting (and if he is reading this I hope he doesn't mind I am talking about him) because, though we tend to come to some similar conclusions about certain aspects of life, we get there VERY differently. This is in no way a bad or a good thing, it is just interesting to talk to someone who has a different base of beliefs that would lead him to similar conclusions. David, as well as a couple of other guys that I know, seem to have a different emotional and logical reaction to scenarios than I do. Being happy by making yourself feel so, viewing death (even in premature situations) as a natural part of everything, and taking the approach that if it is done when its done than one should live their lives the same way one would live if there is an afterlife or a heaven. I guess I tend to lend myself deeper into my emotions than that (not saying anyone who holds these beliefs to be unemotional) but then again, there are some aspects of my life were I do do that...so maybe I am not all that different.

Went to visit Co-Ops yesterday with Ski. It was a lot of fun and I am becoming excited about living in one next year assuming I get all my ducks in a row. For those of you that are not familiar with Co-Ops (short for housing cooperatives) they are student run houses that can have any number of people from 5 to 50, depending on the house size, that are self sufficient and governed. I would move into a room and then have a certain amount of chores that I have to do in order to contribute to the house. I would sleep, live and eat with people in my house and would be part of the larger cooperative community. I know this set up is wonderfully hippyish, but I am thinking that it is going to work out well for me. I like having a family, I like being around people and functioning within a caring group and I think this is what it is going to be like in a Co-Op. I think Ski and I are going to move into the same house which will also be nice because I will have a friend around in the case that I don't get along with people (which isn't going to happen because I pretty much get along with anyone.)

After seeing two of the houses yesterday, Avalon house and David Bowie house, I am leaning a lot more toward Bowie. I liked the set up and though they are not partiers at all, I don't think i will have any problem finding those when I want them. They also have a big kitchen and I could sign up to cook for people a couple of nights a week and get my house work requirement done. Avalon was cool but they throw 300+ person parties on the regular and they had a bake room dedicated to getting high on opium and pot and painting on the walls. I am a hippie to be sure, but not that much of one. I am hoping I get to know some of the people in that house though, because they seemed really chill and eclectic bunch and the girl that gave us the tour had on face paint and a circus outfit and was teaching people how to fire twirl.

Well that is pretty much it, getting stuff done and keeping my head above water. Tattoo in December, wisdom teeth out in a week, Disney World for Christmas.

Love you all, and hope everything is coming up roses. Peace

~The Singing Ginger

Adventures in the ER

So all was going well yesterday, I was at work and doing what i do best...stocking. When suddenly a very embarrassing medical problem came up, for now we will refer to it as "massive flesh wound," it wasn't but that sounds cooler. Being the committed employee that I am I remained at work for another hour and a half after my "massive flesh wound" and didn't think a whole lot of it but thought it might be a good idea to call my Aunt Martha (who is a nurse) and make sure that I shouldn't be taking anything. Of course, to my total and utter dismay, my Aunt tells me I need to go to the ER immediately for my "massive flesh wound" and that I should not go to my spanish class.

For those of you that might be reading this that don't know much about me: I hate hospitals, other than births, there is nothing happy that happens in hospitals that doesn't come from something bad. I don't like feeling like I am taking up the time of doctors and nurses that could be better used for other people that might actually have massive flesh wounds, and I don't like the freaking gowns that they put you in. So of course I get through triage and then they take me into a room, put me in a gown and ask me a million questions about what the hell is going on with me. They then hook me up to an saline drip IV, a heart monitor, and a little plastic finger thingy. Then the nice doctor lady informs we that I am going to need to get a CT scan of my abdomen to make sure I don't have anything more serious than a "massive flesh wound."

For those of you that haven't had a CT (because up until last night I had never had one) the first step is that they give you this gross liquid stuff they hide in apple juice that lights up your organs or some sillyness like that, then about 30mins later they give you another one. An hour after the first drink they take you into the CT room and lay you down in the giant doughnut. The doughnut tells you to breathe in, hold it, and then breathe out. Then the tech lady comes in and injects you with iodine which had all sorts of weird effects. The doughnut talks to you again and then they put you back on the rolly bed, like an invalid, and take you back to your room.

That was pretty much the most exciting part of my night. Other than playing with my heart rate on the monitor by relaxing my breathing and muscles and then hyperventilating and tensing. Just in case any of you wanted to know I can get my body to flex between 101 and 96 on the heart rate monitor.

All in all it wasn't a horrible experience, other than the very fact of having to be there. The people were really great and the doctor's did their jobs. Still hate hospitals though. Hope this finds you better than I was last night.

~The Singing Ginger