Rant

Rant for the evening: girls and guys my age (20) should not be having babies. You shouldn't be getting married, you shouldn't be buying a house or moving in together or signing pre-nups. People my age should stop pretending like they want to be adults by doing childish things.

But wait, you may be saying to yourself "claire, I thought you were a desperate romantic who thinks that love will triumph over all?!?" I am, without apology, but marriage and love have damn near next to nothing to do with each other. That's right, I said it. The chick that has day dreams about the long white dress in a church with her friends and family, and can't wait till someone uses the word wife when referring to her as their life partner, just said love and marriage have almost nothing to do with each other. They don't. People who don't love each other get married all the time, and there are plenty of people out there that love each other that aren't married (or even allowed to get married.) Marriage is an outward symbol to your faith, community, government and family that you will be sticking together forever, but it comes from love that is already suppossed to exist, it doesn't create it.

That being said, one of the reasons marriage is so under valued these days is because people get divorced so damn often. I don't think it is because society is going to hell, and that our generation is copulating everywhere all over everything, it is because our society has crafted a mind set where we HAVE to get married. Marriage is beautiful and wonderful and sacred, and people should get married...if they want to, and when they know that the person they love is going to be the one they want to wake up next to for the next forever. If you really love someone, and are going to spend the rest of your life with them, why not wait? You are going to be with them forever anyways! If you don't believe that, if you think a marriage will make your relationship stronger, you shouldn't be getting married. Your relationship should be as strong as you think that it could possibly be before you get hitched. It might get stronger after anyways, but you shouldn't expect that.

I am going to rant about babies later, I have to go do something productive now.

~The Singing Ginger

Niceness

So after all of the hellish medical issues I have been having lately it would seem that things have finally began to calm themselves down a little bit. I feel bad because I have skipped the last few practices which is not something I ever do, but my body and my school work load are demanding it as this point and I have been trying to do 90min steady states when I can, but there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day. Eh, well, life goes on.

Speaking of medical issues, I think things have been cleared up. I am on medication for the next ten days, which I am never a fan of, but I will suck it up and deal so that I can spend as little time with the nice people in white coats as possible. I have noticed that when I am stressed out over these things singing is always a nice was to release. I have been singing A LOT in the shower lately. On a side note (and because this blog is titled for musical things) I am going to be singing for a group at the senior center and a special group in hospice care next month. I am looking forward to this because I love old people, and because I love singing and preforming. Part of the e-mail I was sent was also looking for people to impersonate Billie Holiday for a special performance for a woman that has Alzheimers and if a huge fan. Because of her condition she refuses to believe that Holiday is no longer with us, and her care taker wants her to be able to see a performance "live" before she goes. I found both immense happiness and sadness in this story. I don't know what you think.

Went out to dinner with David yesterday night, I really had a wonderful time and it was good catching up with someone I am fond of and haven't spoken to in a while. I find David interesting (and if he is reading this I hope he doesn't mind I am talking about him) because, though we tend to come to some similar conclusions about certain aspects of life, we get there VERY differently. This is in no way a bad or a good thing, it is just interesting to talk to someone who has a different base of beliefs that would lead him to similar conclusions. David, as well as a couple of other guys that I know, seem to have a different emotional and logical reaction to scenarios than I do. Being happy by making yourself feel so, viewing death (even in premature situations) as a natural part of everything, and taking the approach that if it is done when its done than one should live their lives the same way one would live if there is an afterlife or a heaven. I guess I tend to lend myself deeper into my emotions than that (not saying anyone who holds these beliefs to be unemotional) but then again, there are some aspects of my life were I do do that...so maybe I am not all that different.

Went to visit Co-Ops yesterday with Ski. It was a lot of fun and I am becoming excited about living in one next year assuming I get all my ducks in a row. For those of you that are not familiar with Co-Ops (short for housing cooperatives) they are student run houses that can have any number of people from 5 to 50, depending on the house size, that are self sufficient and governed. I would move into a room and then have a certain amount of chores that I have to do in order to contribute to the house. I would sleep, live and eat with people in my house and would be part of the larger cooperative community. I know this set up is wonderfully hippyish, but I am thinking that it is going to work out well for me. I like having a family, I like being around people and functioning within a caring group and I think this is what it is going to be like in a Co-Op. I think Ski and I are going to move into the same house which will also be nice because I will have a friend around in the case that I don't get along with people (which isn't going to happen because I pretty much get along with anyone.)

After seeing two of the houses yesterday, Avalon house and David Bowie house, I am leaning a lot more toward Bowie. I liked the set up and though they are not partiers at all, I don't think i will have any problem finding those when I want them. They also have a big kitchen and I could sign up to cook for people a couple of nights a week and get my house work requirement done. Avalon was cool but they throw 300+ person parties on the regular and they had a bake room dedicated to getting high on opium and pot and painting on the walls. I am a hippie to be sure, but not that much of one. I am hoping I get to know some of the people in that house though, because they seemed really chill and eclectic bunch and the girl that gave us the tour had on face paint and a circus outfit and was teaching people how to fire twirl.

Well that is pretty much it, getting stuff done and keeping my head above water. Tattoo in December, wisdom teeth out in a week, Disney World for Christmas.

Love you all, and hope everything is coming up roses. Peace

~The Singing Ginger

Adventures in the ER

So all was going well yesterday, I was at work and doing what i do best...stocking. When suddenly a very embarrassing medical problem came up, for now we will refer to it as "massive flesh wound," it wasn't but that sounds cooler. Being the committed employee that I am I remained at work for another hour and a half after my "massive flesh wound" and didn't think a whole lot of it but thought it might be a good idea to call my Aunt Martha (who is a nurse) and make sure that I shouldn't be taking anything. Of course, to my total and utter dismay, my Aunt tells me I need to go to the ER immediately for my "massive flesh wound" and that I should not go to my spanish class.

For those of you that might be reading this that don't know much about me: I hate hospitals, other than births, there is nothing happy that happens in hospitals that doesn't come from something bad. I don't like feeling like I am taking up the time of doctors and nurses that could be better used for other people that might actually have massive flesh wounds, and I don't like the freaking gowns that they put you in. So of course I get through triage and then they take me into a room, put me in a gown and ask me a million questions about what the hell is going on with me. They then hook me up to an saline drip IV, a heart monitor, and a little plastic finger thingy. Then the nice doctor lady informs we that I am going to need to get a CT scan of my abdomen to make sure I don't have anything more serious than a "massive flesh wound."

For those of you that haven't had a CT (because up until last night I had never had one) the first step is that they give you this gross liquid stuff they hide in apple juice that lights up your organs or some sillyness like that, then about 30mins later they give you another one. An hour after the first drink they take you into the CT room and lay you down in the giant doughnut. The doughnut tells you to breathe in, hold it, and then breathe out. Then the tech lady comes in and injects you with iodine which had all sorts of weird effects. The doughnut talks to you again and then they put you back on the rolly bed, like an invalid, and take you back to your room.

That was pretty much the most exciting part of my night. Other than playing with my heart rate on the monitor by relaxing my breathing and muscles and then hyperventilating and tensing. Just in case any of you wanted to know I can get my body to flex between 101 and 96 on the heart rate monitor.

All in all it wasn't a horrible experience, other than the very fact of having to be there. The people were really great and the doctor's did their jobs. Still hate hospitals though. Hope this finds you better than I was last night.

~The Singing Ginger

Pots of Tea

So I have found that my new kick, as of being sick for the past week or so, has been tea. I have the feeling I am turning into a bit of a hipster as I sit here in a flannel shirt I bought at a thrift store, working on my laptop that is covered in, what one friend described as "hippie stickers," sipping on a pot of vanilla tea (which wasn't all the good truth be told) at espresso royale, while listening to part of the soundtrack of "Where the Wild Things Are", and updating my blog...oh yeah, the hipster is bleeding forth from my eyeballs. I think it is probably just another phase. I have realized that, that is kind of how people function; and my hypothesis, contrary to popular belief, would be that this is how people of all ages function and live.

I associate different phases of my life with music, clothing and people. Each phase has a different anthem, a different t-shirt, and different hang out, and when the phase is over I have all of these relics to look back on and jog memories. I think it is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with change, we are constantly changing and it would only make sense that our tastes and hobbies would do so along with us. Each phase of life requires something different from our surroundings and being the adaptable species that we are we take what we have around us and utilize what this "section" of life requires. Currently I have 11 piercings (oh yeah...I got another one) and am scheduled for a tattoo in December, but I hold no delusions that when the time comes I will let the holes in my head heal and move on (the tattoo gets to sick around forever but I am hoping that my old saggy self will be able to enjoy it, if not love it.) My theory on why I get things pierced (other than the really cute guy who works in the shop named Andy) would be that I require occasional change in my appearance that I can control. I also require some semblance of being unique and this is my way to express that. You might at this point be thinking that I am a "poser" and that I should go back to my Ann Arbor bubbble and write slam poetry; but "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," it makes me happy, and if that makes me a poser let me only say that I will be posing for life!

Here is what I say...screw it, here is what I shout: do what makes you happy. If that means punching holes in your face, or rushing a sorority, or playing a sport, or singing in a glee club, do it. You don't have time to be unhappy, you don't have time to be sad, you don't have time to think about what you might have done had you not been too scared to do it. If your friends laugh, and ridicule you, find new friends, there are plenty to be had and people are so different that I have doubt in your ability to find others that, like you, who are seeking their happiness in some "lame" way that nobody understands. There are going to be enough parts of your life that are going to make you unhappy that you have no control over. You are going to have jobs you don't like, you are going to have to be around people that agitate the hell out of you, and there are a million other things that are just part of living that are going to put you down, depress you and make you want to curl into the fetal position and never wake up in the morning. You can't escape these things, you can't change them and they are going to put gray hairs on your head no matter what. No one is perfectly happy, so through the idea that you have to be out the window. But the things you DO have control over, don't make them the unhappy moments of your life.

Okay I am stepping off the soap box now, I know everything I say is easier said than done, but I hope it might give people food for thought.

Yours Always,
~The Singing Ginger

Hope (Not just an Obama Thing)

Hope is a dangerous, dangerous thing.

Hope can keep alive the spirits of millions but can also spur on a lag in life that will put you at a stand still because you are living in a hope that will never be realized. Hope has kept me after guys that I should have been over much more quickly, hope also got me through the cancer and eventual death of one of my best friends, hope keeps me going everyday when I find that my existence has amounted to very little and I don't think I am going anywhere with my life. Hope is a dangerous thing because, to be frank, we have to learn that giving it up is not always a bad thing. Sometimes giving up hope means moving on with life, means new beginnings, means being able to make room to hope for something else. Hope is a dangerous thing.

And what happens when your lack of hope has been a protection mechanism? When you have made the conscious decisions not to hope for something because you knew that there was no way it could be yours? That you were satisfied with just not hoping because it meant that you had more space in your head to think? That functioning was not depending on hope but the lack of it? And what happens when that thing becomes a far off distant possibility? How does one deal with that? Hope does one deal with the surprising presence of hope? Hmmmmmm...I will get back to you.

~The Singing Ginger

Pictures

So I have actually been doing what I said I was going to do for a while now (big surprise there) and have been taking more pictures which is fun. I need to find my little camera cord thing so I can post the best ones for all of you beautiful people. I am hoping to possibly take the camera to the next rowing practice and gets some pictures on the water. Not only would these be gorgeous because the involve water in the early morning sunlight, but then you all can get a visual on why I love the grace of this sport so much.

Speaking of rowing I had a 5k test this morning. I still rank top 3 for the women...but that isn't the top so I still have work to do. A good friend of mine asked why I row the other day and I finally got a chance to vocalize why I love this sport so much; it went a little something like this:


"I love rowing firstly because it is on the water and that all in of its own is calming but also because when you are on an erg or racing on the water there is only you and that one thing. There is only the next 500 or 200 or 100 meters and the only thing stopping you is yourself. Because it tears your body apart and pushes you closer to your physical boundaries than you ever thought you could go. You have no idea how far you can push your body until you have taken it over the edge, then take it back a half inch and that is where you have to go every time you race. My body is so much more rugged than I ever though it would be, and it can handle so much more stress than I thought possible. Rowing helps me realize this, it is a challenge and a constant competition and its so pure in how it goes about doing all of these things.
You are accountable for yourself and your boat and when everything comes down to the line the stronger better rowers will always win. There isn't any way a ref or a guideline or rule, or call can change that. And the lows are so low because if you did it right you can empty yourself entirely and still lose to that other, better team; but the highs...god the highs are amazing because you can't stand or breathe or see straight but through the pain, and there is SO much pain, your body is ringing knowing that it has conquered all.
And then there is the last part, the part where I don't have to think about ANYTHING when I am rowing. It is just me and the water and the boat and the screaming voice of the coxswain and I don't have to think about school or work or the loneliness or any of the other shit that clouds my mind every other second of the day. For that 2 hours all there is, is the boat and my team mates and the water. I don't have to think about anything else, and nothing else comes into my mind. And when we are doing test pieces, even though they suck, all there is to concentrate on is how you are going to get your body through the next couple of minutes without it shutting down. There is just nothingness, and I get to swim in it."

So yeah, if anyone is every wondering why the hell there are these crazy cult people that love the pain and the spandex and the early practices, try it, because everyone has a crazy cult member in them somewhere.

On a note that is a bit more applicable to the title of this blog: I am going to be auditioning for a talent show with a $1,000 cash prize. I am going to sing my heart out for this so much more than anything else because I REALLY NEED THE MONEY! It would take care of rent, and debt to my parents, and bills, and the tattoo I want to get and I could put some away to use for text books and road trips and any other crazy adventure I might find myself wanted to do on a rainy day.

Cutting an album with Erik, should be fun, I am excited.

Hope everything is coming up roses.
~The Singing Ginger

I'm Back!

Hello wonderful internet peoples. Sorry it has been WAY too long since I have last posted. Life has been a bit hectic. I am trying to get my study abroad papers done, as well as moving into the new apartment, getting back into school, starting a new job and of course rowing. I am happy to report that the last Bastille of resistance to the crew movement in my family (my little brother) has fallen and now my entire 5 person family rows. It is actually kind of sad, but I enjoy it all the same.

This might be where people are thinking I am going to go into what I learned while away but to be quite honest I don't really feel like doing that right now, so you will just have to hold your breath and come back another time. I promise I will post one at some point.

On a cooler note, since I don't have enough going on in my life right now, I think I am going to take (at the suggestion of my fabulous photographer friend JD) on a little project. One of my goals for the year is to take more pictures and hopefully better ones as well. In order to work on this in an active manner, once I get back I am going to start taking about 30 random pictures a day and then post the one that best represents the day on here. Even if I don't do a text post that day the pic will still be on here. I am going to try and start this up as soon as I can mostly because it sounds like a blast, we will see how long it lasts.

Hope everything is coming up roses!

~The Singing Ginger